Dealing with difficult negotiators
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3. Ask yourself, am I contributing to the problem?
Occasionally, difficult negotiators are only reacting to our provocative actions. If we interrupt them, belittle their views, or refuse to discuss alternatives to our proposals, then it should not surprise us when they act the same way. Becoming aware of our contribution to the problem, and taking ownership of it by apologising and changing our behaviour, can be a powerful tool in changing the activities of the other side.
4. Decide if you want to change the game.
It is not always worth the trouble to directly confront difficult negotiators. It may be that their tactics are not preventing you from attaining your goals. Perhaps they are vindictive, powerful managers, and you cannot afford to cross them. Or you might believe that you play their game better than they do; that is, you think you can achieve your goals in spite of being difficult yourself. Of course, you can choose not to do anything to change their behaviour - just make sure this is a conscious choice and not an emotional reaction.
5. To change the game, negotiate the process.
A particularly effective strategy for changing difficult negotiators' behaviour is to directly address the problematic approach, share its negative impact on you, and suggest a better process for negotiating your issues. Display the behaviour you want them to exhibit. When they attack your views, hear them out, acknowledge their point and their right to disagree with you, and then reframe whatever they say as positively as you can. Avoid rejecting their positions. Instead, ask problem-solving questions (e.g., "How might we do that?"). When you make your points, share your reasoning and data - not just your conclusions. Explain to them how it is mutually beneficial to negotiate amicably with you - the negotiations will be more efficient and you will be able to develop more creative ideas if you listen to one another. As a result, they will be more likely to achieve their goals in the negotiation.
6. Never forget that you can always walk away.
Some difficult negotiators may resist all your attempts to modify their behaviour. Do not feel trapped in the negotiation as a result. Instead, exercise your choice to walk away and pursue alternative actions that address your needs and objectives. Your aim is to bring difficult negotiators to their senses, not to their knees. Rather than threatening to march out the door right away, warn them that you may have to end the negotiations and find more productive ways to accomplish your goals.
Summary
Difficult negotiators can't always be avoided. When you have to deal with them, don't allow their behaviour to deflect you from achieving your goals. Don't be difficult just because they are.
